Being afraid to rock the boat

So, an example of this:

My husband's a night owl. He often thinks 8:30-9:00pm is a good time to have a conversation about something meaningful like the budget or something I might've bought on Amazon.

(See some of that shade I'm throwing? 💅)

I, on the other hand, am tired and done with the world by that time of night. So my responses in those moments are not always...um...what they need to be.

(Throwing some shade right back at myself. 💅)

So over time, instead of giving poor responses I've learned to say something like, "Hey babe, this isn't a good time for me to have this conversation. Could we have it later?"

To which he usually responds, "Sure, thanks for the reminder."

Don't just power through. Don't stuff it down.

Speak. your. truth.

When you speak your truth, it helps the other person realize there's an issue. Because none of us are mind readers.

Otherwise, if you don't "correct", this pattern is just going to happen over and over again, right?

It's not rejection. It's direction.

Now let's go a step deeper.

Maybe the message — your correction — doesn't quite get received. And the issue keeps happening.

Or maybe you didn't have the right response and let loose with some snark in the heat of the moment.

One of the things we can do is circle back at a different time of day. When it's not late, or rushed. Or when tensions aren't so high.

...And say something like, "Hey babe, I've noticed you have a lot of money questions later in the evening. I'm not usually in the mindframe to answer those then. What would it look like for us to put time on the calendar to have those conversations at a different time?

***

Allow yourself the space to be comfortable with the idea that "I can't have this conversation right now."

Speak your truth and trust the other person with that info. Otherwise we end up in difficult conversations we didn't intend to be in.

(But we're not just NOT having the conversation either, right? So later we need to go back and still have the courageous conversation. But at a time when there's not so much tension.)

So if you...

• shy away from courageous conversations
• or feel like you can't speak your truth
• or feel like you can't offer corrections

...this message is for you.

You're a meaningful part of your relationship (or team), and it's so important that you speak your truth.

I read something this morning. It said,

"Truth isn't mean, and love isn't dishonest."

Truth isn't mean: If we're running with people we care about, our truth isn't going to be mean. (We just need to figure out how to bring the words about in a loving way.)

Love isn't dishonest: If you love someone (personally, professionally, whatever)...you're going to speak the truth, right? Because love isn't dishonest.

So if there are things in your life you're trying to shove under the carpet, or you're acting like aren't happening, or you feel like you have to contribute in a way that isn't working for you...

...What would it look like for you to have a courageous conversation this week?

Would love to hear from you. What conversations are you avoiding?

Love doing life together,

Dawn